06 February 2013

What the hell is that?

Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the first episode of “What the hell is that and what is it doing in my house”. I hope you enjoy tonight’s episode.
So the following event occurred only a few hours ago. This morning, I decided it was about time for me to make a fruit salad because the weather calls for one and basically there was enough fruit in my house to feed a village. Now in order to make the fruit salad, I had to wash some of the fruit which required me to use the sink. Naturally, being a sink, it had one or two pots and pans in there that needed to be cleaned because someone used them for breakfast a few hours prior. Now, as I lifted the pots out of the sink, I notice there was an olive in my sink, which isn’t unusual because I like black olives. However at the back of mind I thought, wait a second I haven’t eaten any olives lately! And so I took a closer look; said olive had legs, said olive was slowly but surely trying to make a run for it, said olive was not actually an olive, said non-olive was actually a beetle.
I don’t like creepy crawly things, the only beetles I can tolerate are ladybeetles and so in my mind, the obvious reaction to olive-look-beetle was this:
Basically Run

(Oh Doctor Who…and Jack….I miss you guys! Although now Jack is on Arrow which is awesome)

So while that was going on in my head what was actually occurring was me trying to find my phone in order to document the beetle I have now affectionately named “Olive” and my inner thought process of what I needed to do. After taking 100-odd photos with my iphone and sending the photo to everyone I knew, I contemplated the use of bug spray. Now, with a beetle of this size, chances are it would require quite a considerable amount of bug spray which would then lead to me needing to leave the residence while a Hazmat team access the situation.The other problem with that idea was that, for all those who don’t know much about where I live basically you have to be careful with any living creature because chances are it’s an endangered species. I’m not kidding; there are flies in the area or whatever the hell they are that are on some endangered species list and therefore certain areas cannot be mowed because it puts this fly at risk. So killing it wasn’t even an option because if I had killed it, people in vans would have swooped in and arrested me.

After contemplating my options carefully, I decided the best option was to set it free. So I careful trapped it in a glass, walked out the front door and release Olive into the wilderness as far away from my house as I could. Olive is now enjoying the rest of her life in the wild. As soon as she was realised, she scuttled under some leaves and whatnot and lived happily ever after (I assume).

Goodbye Olive and please tell your friends to never ever ever ever ever visit me because I really DON’T LIKE BUGS!


1 comment:

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