Celebrity Crushes #2

Welcome back to another “Celebrity Crush” post. Today’s theme: Celebrity Crushes that I can’t explain and people are going think are completely bizarre.

In other words: Celebrity Crushes that I probably shouldn’t have!

No seriously, if you thought my celebrity crushes of the 90’s were bad, these are a whole new level of bad.
Let the judging begin!

	Alec (Continuum) [Erik Knudsen] I think it’s the nerd appeal. I mean his character is a computer genius (well, genius in general really) and he’s so adorably dorky and cute. Although I have to say, Erik Knudsen when he was in Saw looks like a doped up junkie, probably ideal considering his character, but not pretty. Also, pretty much the entire first season of Continuum, also not pretty. I think once he got a hair cut and stopped looking like an awkward 12 year old, he got a little bit better. Now he’s adorable AND nerdy. Win.
	Dave Franco I recently saw Now You See me, so now I have a thing for Magicians. Apparently. Actually, I’ve seen this guy in a few things and while I was totally for James Franco – he’s gone all artsy and weird, which is great and all, but he’s lost some appeal somehow. Anyway. Dave Franco. Adorably cute and thankfully, not as young as I thought. I really thought he was a lot younger than he actually is but no, he’s older than me. WINNING. Still a creeper though. And HEY MA, He’s JEWISH!
	Jesse Eisenberg Did I mention I recently saw Now You See Me? Yep, so previously, not an Eisenberg fan. I saw The Social Network, it was decent, from memory. But in his latest movie, he still has some of the adorkable appeal, still gives off that geeky/nerd vibe, however now with more bad boy appeal! Also Jewish and he has a sister with the same name as me! Yeh…that’s actually a bit weird.
	Byran Adams Bryan Adams from way back in the day, not old Bryan Adams. Seriously, try listening to his greatest hits and NOT be obsessed. Ok, I guess you have to be a fan of his music, but Oh my lord! Bryan Adams for the win; when his songs come on the radio, no body talk to me!
	WWE Superstar Edge (Adam Copeland) I never said I was perfect, stop judging me. Seriously. It’s the bad boy wrester type AND the fact that he appears in a whole heap of my favourite SyFy shows. Bad boy appeal. I’m telling you. It’s all about the bad boy appeal.

 

So, that’s my list of celebrities I probably should have a crush on, but I do. Seriously, think about it, there’s probably a celebrity you have a crush on that people think is slightly bizarre. It’s reality, not everyone is going to have the same taste as me and I’m perfectly fine with that!

The A to Z Book Survey

I stole this from Melbourne on my Mind who stole it from someone else!

Author you’ve read the most books from:
Jodi Picoult. I have 8 of her books on my bookshelf right now and I have a few others that family have borrowed from me.

Best Sequel Ever:
I’m not entirely sure. I’m just going to go with the Undead series because they are trashy junk-food-type books but they are hilarious. And while all my friends were loosing their minds over True Blood and The Vampire Diaries, I was reading the Undead series because I didn’t want to give in to the fangirl hype of the other books.

Currently Reading:
I’m not. I’m trying to survive my last weeks of university. But I have started The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Drink of Choice While Reading: 
I don’t. Oh, well tea I suppose. But that isn’t because I chose to, that’s just because I always have a cup of tea in my hand.

E-reader or Physical Book?
Physical book. I love the smell of old books, I love the smell of new books, I love the smell of libraries. I’m old school. I can see the benefits of having an e-reader, but I just can’t invest in one; I’m not ready. That, and I get annoyed with looking at screens (says the blogger).

Fictional Character You Probably Would Have Actually Dated In High School:
Knowing my luck? Neville Longbottom. Which isn’t so bad, he turned out pretty alright. I would have wanted to date Peter (Chronicles of Narnia) or Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights) or maybe one of the “metal head” looking guys from Lord of The Rings.

Glad You Gave This Book A Chance: 
Shame by Salman Rushdie. I had to read it for a class, but I actually really liked it in the end.
 
Hidden Gem Book: 
Birthmarked by Caragh O’Brien. It’s more of a YA book, but I really liked it and I want to read the next one in the series.
 
Important Moment in your Reading Life:
My Aunt bought me my first Harry Potter book and she wrote a message in cover. I still have it. But that book changed my life. It really inspired me to read. When I was growing up, my dad use to read to me and he filled my room with books but it wasn’t until Harry Potter when I really took interested in reading for myself.

Just Finished: 
Dracula. Don’t even.

Kinds of Books You Won’t Read:
I’m trying to turn against “pop” books. I like to look for books that may not be getting the attention they need or deserve. I go looking in the furthest bookshelf, of the deepest book bin in order to find a book that the “masses of people” haven’t discovered yet. I’m also trying to read more classics, just because everyone should read a classic or two in their lifetime.

Longest Book You’ve Read:
Tried to read Ulysses – I’m yet to finish it (or pick it up again)
Order of the Phoenix appears to be the biggest book in my collection which I have finished though.

Major book hangover because of:
Nineteen minutes by Jodi Picoult…maybe..or The Last Battle by CS Lewis.
Most of Jodi Picoult’s books make me think about an issue or just make you question situations that seem black and white; usually they leave me really contemplating things – which leads to a head and crisis of conscience. As for The Last Battle, the end of that reduces me to ugly tears. Enough said. 

Number of Bookcases You Own:
Two. I want more though. More bookshelves means more room for more books!

One Book You Have Read Multiple Times:
All of the Harry Potter books. Jane Eyre. Wuthering Heights. Dubliners.

Preferred Place To Read: 
Somewhere quiet. Study Room. Bedroom. On the train (sometimes) 

Quote that inspires you/gives you all the feels from a book you’ve read:

“It is just an illusion here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone, it is gone forever.” Slaughterhouse 5

“It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors” The Picture of Dorian Gray

“I’d much rather pretend I’m somewhere else, and any time I open the pages of a book, that happens.” Between the Lines

“The act of reading is a partnership. The author builds a house, but the reader makes it a home.” Between the Lines

“How do you know that you are not part of a book? That someone's not reading your story right now?” Between the line

Reading Regret:
Twilight Books and Dracula (although,I’m glad I finished that one).

Series You Started And Need To Finish(all books are out in series):
Undead series. Birthmarked series. Umm? I don’t think there’s any others.

Three of your All-Time Favorite Books: 
Dubliners by James Joyce
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte 

Unapologetic Fangirl For: 
Harry Potter. End of discussion.
 
Very Excited For This Release More Than All The Others: 
I don’t know… 

Worst Bookish Habit:
Jumping ahead out of boredom. A character might be rambling on and I’ll just skip to the next page. Dracula specifically.

X Marks The Spot: Start at the top left of your shelf and pick the 27th book:
Virginia Woolf’s To the Lighthouse

Your latest book purchase: 
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde.
 
ZZZ-snatcher book (last book that kept you up WAY late):
Dracula because I wanted it the hell out of my life.

Confessions of a bad Blogger

Hey there!

Remember me?
No?
Really?

I’m that blogger who sometimes watches James Bond movies, occasionally reads a book or two but more often then not, blogs about random things because I really have no idea what I really want to blog about.

Ring any bells?
No?

Damn.

Well, not to worry, I’m here now and I’m writing a blog, which is something. Hell, just typing the title was an achievement for me today. No seriously, I haven’t even been able to consider writing a blog since the beginning of the year and that’s a horrible feeling.

My semi-legitimate, semi-ridiculous, reason for not being able to blog has something to do with the fact that I have zero time and zero energy (doesn’t help that I have zero things to write about…)

For all those who don’t know, I’ve been studying for a diploma of some kind that will allow me to partake in some sort of work or something. Vague I know. The point is I’ve been so busy spending time on assignments, in lectures, in tutorials, racking up some workplace experience hours and maintaining my part time job that I have little time to do much else. Seriously, I hardly have time to sleep!

I will take this moment to have a small vent about my university, but basically they changed the course I’m in but forgot to change certain aspects of it; so it is now expected that we do 28 hours of work in a 24 hour time period. Basically. In it’s simplicity.

Today started my attempt to revamp my blog in order to motivate me into writing (I think it’s working?) I’m trying not to revamp it too much though; if you’ve been around from the beginning, you know that a revamp usually means a complete overhaul of my blog and I land up starting from scratch. Which I’m trying to avoid. I’m just trying to eliminate some of the clutter and make things a little bit more coherent. I apologise in advance for the inconvenience, but it’s a work in progress.

In the mean time. Yay for new ‘beginnings’?

That time the dog ran away

For the sake of his privacy, the dog in this story has requested that I not use his real name and would rather be known as ‘Einstein’. He has requested this name in order to pay homage to his hero Einstein; not to be confused with the scientific genius that is Albert Einstein, but rather, the dog from Back to the Future.

This is ‘Einstein’ on Christmas.

Now as a bit of a background to the events that occurred, my story starts with my house. Over recent months, the weather has fluctuated quite dramatically and with this fluctuation it has meant my house has shifted slightly, resulting in squeaky doors and a front door that doesn’t quite work how a front door should.

My front door has a habit of opening on it’s own accord. I’m not saying you can track me down, enter my house, steal all my health food, search through my underwear drawer and watch me sleep but and under the right conditions, the door can blow open.

Fast forward to last night, or this morning rather, when I was woken by a boogie monster telling me “The front door is open and ‘Einstein’ has gone”. I’m sorry to the person who I have referred to as the boogie monster, but at 4.30 in the morning being pulled out of a deep sleep renders most people unable to distinguish the difference between human and boogie monster.

As a side note, the previous night, I heard ‘tardis-like’ noises which then rendered me unable to sleep for at least an hour because once I hear tardis-like noises, I don’t automatically think “Ooo The Doctor has come for me”, but rather “Oh crap, remember that episode with the weeping angels….Oh crap remember that episode with Rory and Amy and the angels…Oh crap, what if the angels are outside right now” and so on and so forth.

Any who, once my brain processed the information the boogie monster had given me I ran over to the wardrobe and threw on what ever I could find OVER my sleep wear, which would have looked perfectly normal except for the fact that the dress was shorter than my sleepwear and I chose to wear pink thongs (flip-flops).

So basically at 4.30 in the morning, I looked like a hot mess. 

(And yes, there were cars on the road at that hour who would have gotten a glance at my stylish ensemble and seen me fighting to keep either the dress or my sleep wear at a reasonable length in order to prevent my underwear being seen)

Ever wondered if your dog was plotting to kill you? Me neither.

Now, I got to the end of my street and just so everyone is aware: there are about 10 different ways ‘Einstein’ could have gone; making this whole task quite daunting. I reached the end of my street and thought “Well crap, which way would I go if I were a dog?”. (Un)Fortunately, I turned to go the wrong way, I got about 5 steps and thought this is ridiculous, and turned to go back and get my car in order to drive around the neighbourhood.

(Editors note: I say ‘fortunately’ because what if I had gone the right way and missed him by a minute? Maybe my wrong turn caused the right time delay!)

As I turned around to head back toward my street, two things happened. 1) The boogie monster started calling me and 2) I spotted a large animal wandering around in the distance.

Before the boogie monster had said anything, I said “I’ve got him, well I don’t ‘got him’ but I see him and I just need to get to him” and then proceeded at 4.35 in the morning to yell out his name. Which, in hindsight if his name really was ‘Einstein’ would have been pretty hilarious. Come to think of it, I wish the person who named him had severe-swearing-tourrets-syndrome because yelling out “You F***ing Stupid F***ing Crap” at that hour would have been AWESOME.

Anyway, so I yell out to him and this dog freezes like a deer in the headlights. He just stood there like a moron until I got close enough and he realized who the hell I was, why I was yelling his named and why I was saying “Come ‘ere” like an idiot. This dog doesn’t always come when he is called, so I figured if I made it sound like I wanted to play a game, the chances of him coming toward me were more likely. If I yelled at him like he was in trouble, he would have said “Hell to the no” and ran off in the opposite direction (I would).

Now, this is where things got scary for me because this dog has obviously been out for a while and is terrified because once he saw me, it was like he had seen a cat covered in chocolate because he start bolting toward me at top speed with a stupid grin on his face. As he got closer I thought to myself “F***, he isn’t slowing down. F*** he’s heading straight for me” and I went into fight or flight mode and for a split second I considered running in the opposite direction.

Fortunately however, I stood my ground and now ‘Einstein’ is back where he belongs.

Yay for happy endings.

Although this now makes me wonder if I should start my own dog-finding company. I’ve found 2 dogs in the past and had them returned to their owners safely. ‘Einstein’ takes my dog finding abilities to the total of 3.

So, note to all (specifically me):
Check your doors, Make sure your dog is wearing his tags at all time and keep several items of clothing ready just incase you have to run out the door at ‘what the bleeding hell o’clock’ in the morning.

A Girls Guide to James Bond: Gold Finger

Oh Mr Connery, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t missed you. Readers, our dear 007 has returned in Goldfinger. Make yourselves comfortable and lets get started!

In the previous two movies, the beginning has been slightly dull and uneventful. From the beginning of Goldfinger however, things are done a bit differently. I assume this is the first of the James Bond movies that starts off with, quite literally, a bang. After blowing up a warehouse filled with Nitro, Bond (Connery is still the man in the suit) makes out with a girl and finds himself in a brawl. So I guess we're trying to pack as much punch in the first 2 and a half minutes as we can. Sounds like a plan.

As I mentioned, Sean Connery is back; well he never actually went anywhere, this is his 3rd appearance as Bond and this is only the third movie. Clap Clap to me for working that out.

After the opening song, a gentleman by the name of Felix tells Bond about this gentleman by the name of Goldfinger. Bond then realizes Goldfinger is cheating at a card game and goes to foil that plan - during which time he meets Jill Masterson, a pretty blonde thing that naturally finds her way into Bonds bed. It's getting to the stage we're women just say "hi" and in the very next scene they're going at it. Because you know, wearing a onesie made out of towel material is totally attractive and will get any woman to drop her pants. Forget the roses this Valentines day! Women want to see a man in a onesie!

Ok, so this is wear the plot thickens because after going at it, Bond heads to the kitchen where he is knocked unconscious by some dude in a hat. When he wakes up, Bond finds Jill painted gold and surprise surprise - dead.

Moneypenny is back in the office and just so you know Moneypenny is totally James’ wife in another life and he knows it - this is all unofficial and off the record - it's just what I think of Moneypenny. She's the girl you settle down and marry; Bond knows it just as much as I do.

Back on the record! After speaking to some old guys, Bond is off to see Q; you know Q, he's the guy that has the goods! And now we're talking; this is what I love, the guns, the cars and the gizmo's. Alright so here we go the car of choice is an Aston Martin DB5 in silver and it is a delicious looking car, you heard me, delicious! These movies are why I love Aston Martin's! Now this baby has modifications, so in Q's words "Pay Attention Please"

”Windscreen - Bulletproof, as are the side and rear windows. Revolving license plate, naturally; valid all countries. Here's a nice little transmitting device called a homer, you prime it by pressing it back like this, you see? The smaller model is now standard field issue, to be fitted into the heel of your shoe.  Its larger brother is magnetic."

"Reception on the dashboard, here.Audio-visual range a hundred and fifty miles."

(Details via a script I found through google)

Alright so lets break this down - the car is bullet proof, it can release oil slicks and pressing a button will eject the passenger seat. It contains bullets and an old school GPS type thing which doesn't actually tell you where you are going but it has no problem telling you where everyone else is going. Fantastic. But you know what I haven't see; a gun, I haven't seen a gun which means we're either sticking with Bonds stock standard Walther PPK which is his issued sidearm which he carries for at least 4 more movies or he’ll steal someone else’s later on (I vote for both).

Side note: Oh my god golf is boring. Bond beats Goldfinger at golf and everyone is happy.

Side note 2: Goldfinger drives a Rolls-Royce Phantom 3 37 which would be lovely if it were in a different colour.

Now, Goldfinger’s awfully creepy caddie/drive is a) Creepy and b) wearing a hat. Just saying.

I'm trying to keep these summaries short and sweet instead of going through a detail analysis of everything second of the movie! It's my job to watch these movies so that other people don't have to. I mean I love James Bond, not to the point that I'd take off my clothes for him like half these girls seem to feel the need to do, but I have no problem watching all of the movies ten times over; but I'm well aware that there are some girls (an probably some guys) that don't really want to watch Bond but are sick of hearing about Bond yet don't want to stand there looking clueless during a James Bond themed dinner party when someone asks "What's your favourite Bond vehicle". See I have my uses.

This is the first movie that contains multiple Bond girls, one of which is Pussy Galore and the others are Jill Masterson and Tilly Masterson. Tilly Masterson is perhaps the best looking of all the Bond girls so far. Just saying.

Now if you've wondered where Pussy Galore came from or if you've ever wondered who she is every time people crack jokes about Pussy Galore, she's from this movie. Remember in the last movie how I didn't really like Tatiana Romanov over Honey Ryder; well now we can start a rank because we've got 3 bond girls under our belt -

#1 Tilly Masterson
#2 Honey Ryder
#3 Tatiana Romanov
#4 Pussy Galore
#5 Jill Masterson (arguably she died before I had a chance to get to know her)

There is also quite a well known car chase in the movie which at one point has Bond driving toward a mirror thinking he is playing chicken, unfortunately he is actually driving toward his reflection and only realizes at the very last moment. Can we all take this time to mourn the loss of that beautiful car.

Goldfinger has Bond right where he needs him: laying on a table with a giant laser pointed at his overused man parts. It's at this point that I side slightly with Goldfinger, I mean DUDE if you screw anymore women, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before your man parts fall off. But just so the general public is aware: no, he gets to keep his man parts after convincing Goldfinger that he needs him (Bond) alive.

Enter Pussy Galore.

Now, make up your own mind; who would you kiss, marry or do the dirty with? Jill, Tilly or Pussy?

 

Oh and queue my favourite line

"Martini, shaken not stirred"

And wow, it's been a quick journey because we're apparently half way through the movie already!

Ugg Goldfinger bores me. Least threatening bad guy ever! He just wants to rob Fort Knox and have a couple of million dollars. Seriously? Well, won't tell him how to do his job or whatever but I'm pretty sure this dude hangs out with Dr Evil in the cafeteria because all the other bad guys are a) At the Cooler table and b) Have more awesome evil plans.

Now, it's important to know that during a bit of a....I don't even know what it was...it was play fighting that sort of resembled a rape scene of some kind, but never the less, Bond seduces Pussy Galore...and everything sort of falls into place from here on....Obviously PG is going to somehow help Bond save the day and everyone is happy, except for PG because lets face it, once Bond has had his fun in the movie we'll never see her again...Nor will he.

PG does in fact fly her plane over Fort Knox to release some gas that basically kills everyone. Issue with this scene - it's worse than the fish scene from Dr No. Actually scratch that, nothing is worse than the fish scene from Dr No...but basically all the soldiers are required to pass out and boy do they make passing out look awkward! It's like "I'm going to fall to my knees, then realise that the actor in front of me has passed out in the space in front of me so I'm going to stall and then fall backwards, but then shift uncomfortably until I can lay down properly" SERIOUSLY? Just pass the f*** out! Go from standing up, to laying down; it's not hard! It'll hurt yes, but f*** you're an actor, work it out! I mean I know they were just fake passing out (because PG didn't REALLY set off the gas...the soldiers were warned and therefore had to pass out on queue) but seriously, if you're trying to fool the bad guy into thinking you've been affected by a toxic gas, at least ACT like you've been affected by the toxic gas!

And so basically we're coming to the end and all you need to know is this - Goldfinger was going to set off a radioactive device in Fort Knox which would make the gold radioactive and therefore the price of gold would go up (because apparently it's the only gold in America/THE WORLD and therefore if no one can touch it for 50+ years, it's considered more valuable). Goldfinger makes the mistake of carrying Bond around like a puppy and so he gets the opportunity to seduce the henchwoman who inevitable switches to the goodside to help foil the plan in which Bond can then open a can of whoop-ass on the most unevil-evil dude I've ever seen in a movie.

Anywho - all the soldiers wake up from their fake-pass-y-outy-ness and you know...shoot everyone.

I'm just going to come out and say it - least favourite Bond thus far. It was only a matter of time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So here’s all the little things you need to know:
James Bond – Sean Connery

Pussy Galore – Honor Blackman

Gert Frobe – Goldfinger
Bernard Lee – M

 

Theme Song
Composed by John Barry
Lyrics by Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley
Performe by Shirley Bassey

Details
Movie released on 18 September 1964
Cost of production was $3million and made $124.9 million in the box office.

Bond Girls
Pussy Galore, Tilly Masterson and Jill Masterson

Weapon of Choice
Walther PPK

Car of Choice
Silver Aston Martin DB5

Quote of Choice
”Martini. Shaken, not stirred”

What the hell is that?

Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the first episode of “What the hell is that and what is it doing in my house”. I hope you enjoy tonight’s episode.So the following event occurred only a few hours ago. This morning, I decided it was about time for me to make a fruit salad because the weather calls for one and basically there was enough fruit in my house to feed a village. Now in order to make the fruit salad, I had to wash some of the fruit which required me to use the sink. Naturally, being a sink, it had one or two pots and pans in there that needed to be cleaned because someone used them for breakfast a few hours prior. Now, as I lifted the pots out of the sink, I notice there was an olive in my sink, which isn’t unusual because I like black olives. However at the back of mind I thought, wait a second I haven’t eaten any olives lately! And so I took a closer look; said olive had legs, said olive was slowly but surely trying to make a run for it, said olive was not actually an olive, said non-olive was actually a beetle.I don’t like creepy crawly things, the only beetles I can tolerate are ladybeetles and so in my mind, the obvious reaction to olive-look-beetle was this:

(Oh Doctor Who…and Jack….I miss you guys! Although now Jack is on Arrow which is awesome)

So while that was going on in my head what was actually occurring was me trying to find my phone in order to document the beetle I have now affectionately named “Olive” and my inner thought process of what I needed to do. After taking 100-odd photos with my iphone and sending the photo to everyone I knew, I contemplated the use of bug spray. Now, with a beetle of this size, chances are it would require quite a considerable amount of bug spray which would then lead to me needing to leave the residence while a Hazmat team access the situation.The other problem with that idea was that, for all those who don’t know much about where I live basically you have to be careful with any living creature because chances are it’s an endangered species. I’m not kidding; there are flies in the area or whatever the hell they are that are on some endangered species list and therefore certain areas cannot be mowed because it puts this fly at risk. So killing it wasn’t even an option because if I had killed it, people in vans would have swooped in and arrested me.

After contemplating my options carefully, I decided the best option was to set it free. So I careful trapped it in a glass, walked out the front door and release Olive into the wilderness as far away from my house as I could. Olive is now enjoying the rest of her life in the wild. As soon as she was realised, she scuttled under some leaves and whatnot and lived happily ever after (I assume).

Goodbye Olive and please tell your friends to never ever ever ever ever visit me because I really DON’T LIKE BUGS!

A Girls Guide to James Bond: From Russia with Love

Sean Connery is back and fulfilling his role as the sophisticated agent that is James Bond 007. How about we give a summary of the shiz that occurs during this movie.

First, we see a blonde guy stalking  James Bond while ominous sound affects repeat.

Blondie pulls out the good old watch choker cable and after strangling Bond to death we find out it was all a charade; it turns out to be a training camp hell bent of the demise of James Bond.

Queue opening credits and scantily clad women dancing.

Now the movie begins, we arrive in Venice to witness a lovely game of chess between bug eye guy and some old guy. Take note because I think Bug eye guy becomes important (yes I'm writing this as I watch it.) Now, if you read about Dr No, you'll know I had an issue with the giant mutant fish, well this time we have Siamese fighting fish in the same tank - obviously fighting. I'm beginning to sense an ongoing fish theme.

The bug eye guy turns out to be a henchman for some more evil man. It would appear they are Russian. Now, I have to go back and watch the scene again because I was too busy typing. I heard something about Dr No and I have to figure out the connection.

Alright, so basically all these bad dudes work for the SPECTRE organisation, Dr No (from the first movie) was an agent of SPECTRE and the evil guys here (Kronsteen) are part of the same organisation. Kronsteen plans to obtain a device from the Soviets, sell it back to them and kill James Bond all at the same time. Number

3 (She's a baddie) hires "Red" Grant, whom she punches in the stomach - I have to admit, after the camera pans away from him, I did wonder if he doubled over in pain and cried "mommy".

She then obtains the services of Tatiana Romanova (Daniela Bianchi), can we just take a moment to admire the awesomeness that is Agent 3's coke bottle glasses.

At this point in time I don't know if I prefer Tatiana or Honey (Dr. No). Either way, they are both substantially better than the Sylvia, the girl Bond is then seen making out with in a canoe. Bond calls Miss Moneypenny (the receptionist at headquarters) and Sylvia does her best "I'm a controlling cow" impersonation while Bond converses with Moneypenny.

Ok, so Bond makes his way to headquarters where M (Bernard Lee) gives him his orders to head on over to Russia, this is where the equipment managers (known as Q) is called in to show off his gadgets. I love it when they talk gadgets!

"An ordinary black leather case with...20 rounds of ammunition...on the side here, flat throwing knife."

Which, if the case is opened incorrectly, could end quite badly. But it's what's inside the case that matters!

"Inside the case you will find an AR-7 folding snipers rifle, .25 calibre with an infrared telescopic sight"

(Keep in mind, I'm covering the movies and not the books; the AR-7 doesn't appear in the book...apparently)

Bond then makes his way to Russia, where apparently everyone looks like a variation of Freddy Mercury. Bond meets with  Ali Kerim Bey, who it would appear is a member of British intelligence (the good guys). Bey's office is, however, bombed the very next day during which time Bey is getting it on with some lady with Vulcan eyebrows. Bey isn't hurt but apparently the Vulcan is left in hysterics. Fortunately they don't show her because she was annoying enough without ugly tears of hysterics, just the way she says “Ali Kerim Bey” is enough to make your skin crawl.

Bond and Bey make their way in a boat underground, making their way under the soviet consulate. where there is apparently a telescope, conveniently installed so that Bey could spy on the Soviets. Clearly this was before wireless cameras being hidden inside objects (if you watch Revenge, you'll understand).

They also don't have iPhones; they appear to have brick sized analogue phones that have no chance of fitting in your back pocket. But now we're at a gypsy village, queue dancing gypsy women. If you've ever watched "Big fat gypsy weddings" then scratch that portrayal of gypsies out of your head, these are more like Esmeralda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney version) but with slightly less clothes. Which is of course followed by two Gypsy women wrestling/fighting/clawing for a good 2 minutes before a shootout occurs.

In the last movie, Bond was surprised by a giant spider. Yep, it was enough to make anyone squeal, this time however, Bond is greeted by Tatiana who has somehow found her way into Bonds bed. There is an awkward close up of Tatiana's mouth before Bond starts working his sexy-time moves on Tatiana. She plays is sex-kitten role all while SPECTRE watch through a hidden camera, which again, isn't really all that well concealed.

Use your imaginations for what happens next, because nothing smutty is shown. This was the 60's, they weren't about to go show sexy-times on the big screen and I'm not about to get my 50 Shade's of Grey on to write some descriptive detailing of what I think happened. Go get a Barbie and Ken doll, strip them naked and smash them against each other - that's all you really need to know.

We're now walking through some kind of museum and Bond is walking around rocking some very feminine looking ray bans. Tatiana walks in, places her compact mirror by a pillar and some French looking guy goes to retrieve it. However Frenchie meets his maker after Grant beats him...which according to Bond is no big deal because it saves him some hard work.

Inside Tatiana's compact is a map of a building in which the device mentioned at the beginning is being kept. It's at this point that Bey says 'hey so why are we trusting this broad, she might be lying', he doesn't really use those words, but that's basically what he meant to say.

Bond is suddenly aboard a boat, rocking his femi-bans (my new word for feminine looking ray bans) and sporting an old school camera - there's no digital cameras people, we're talking box style cameras.

Tatiana meets Bond and agrees to give him the information he wants. The device he is after is the size of a typewriter and weights as much as 10kg. Tatiana does her desperate face and makes a few pleas, she also begs him to make love to her which is really awkward because British intelligence are listening in, including Moneypenny who is asked to leave the room. She goes out to her reception area to sneakily listen in on the conversation Tatiana is having with Bond (she's apparently just as enthralled as the men of British Intelligence) however, M knows she is listening in and ruins her housewife porn by telling her to take a note.

Bond obtains the device he required - thanks to another bomb blowing up the building. Enter swarm of rats - really? First it was spiders and now it's a swarm of rats, what next? Bee's? Dogs? Dogs with Bee's in their mouths? (name that reference!)

Bond, Bey and Tatiana escape through a hidden passage and make their way to a train. For a split second, Tatiana looks like Blake Lively.

But...DUN DUN DUN, Grant (apparently the only Blonde Russian to exist) is on the train. Bond refers to Tatiana as "Tania", I'm not sure if he had done that previously or if it was a slip, but at this point he should actually be calling her "Caroline" because it's the secret identity whilst they are escaping. Bond then surprises Tatiana with a hideously old fashion night gown; it's pretty for an antique. Bey then gets his creepy on by walking in on Tatiana and saying "Charming" in an absurdly perverted manner.

Fun fact here, Tatiana is actually played by two actresses! One as Tatiana herself and the other as the voice over. Can't quite figure out why she was overdubbed, but it could have something to do with the actress playing Tatiana being Italian and not Russian. She was also the youngest Bond Girl (21)

James then figures out Tatiana is up to no good and gets his woman-hating on by slapping "Tania", who declares her love for 007. Sure, they have sexy-time and run away from a couple of bad guys, but apparently she is in love with him. Ok, no big deal there.

Along the way Grant poses as an agent sent by M. Put it would appear that Bond is on to him from the get go. Grant drugs Tatiana over dinner, but like I said earlier Bond is onto him and confronts him in the train cabin. But he (Bond) slips up and gets belted over the back of the head with Grants gun. After he regains consciousness, Bond works out exactly who Grant is.

It's at this point that we find out that Bond thought he was fighting SMERSH (soviet counterintelligence agency) but in actual fact he was dealing with SPECTRE (Counterintelligence, terrorism, revenge etc). Basically SMERSH are being pitted against the British intelligence agency by SPECTRE and SPECTRE are masterminding this whole shiz in order to obtain a  Lektor cryptographic device apparently to make money and get revenge on James Bond for that whole Dr. No situation.

In the end, Bond partakes in a little hand to hand combat with Grant, a few fake punches and that handy little briefcase flip knife later, Grant is dead. Bye Blondie!
Apparently SPECTRE aren't all that forgiving toward their failed operatives. Number 3 (Klebb a.k.a Coke bottle classes) and Bug Eye (from the chess game) are called in to speak to Number 1 (Head of SPECTRE) and 1 has Bug eye killed. Number 3 gets a second chance - she disguises herself as a maid and enters Bonds Venice based hotel room to steal the device, Tatiana recognizes Number 3 and once she pulls a gun on him Bond recognizes her too. Number 3 fights with Bond, Tatiana shoots her and Number 3 does her best impersonation of someone dying. Seriously if the coke bottle glasses weren't funny enough, her dying was just as (if not more) hilarious!

So here’s all the little things you need to know:
James Bond –Sean Connery
Tatiana Romanova  (The Bond Girl)- Daniela Bianchi (Voiced by Barbra Jefford)

Bernard Lee – M

Weapon of Choice
AR-7 folding snipers rifle, .25 calibre with an infrared telescopic sight. This is concealed inside a briefcase which also holds a flip knife, ammunition and a few other gadgets

Car of choice
Only appears briefly, but it is a Bently Mark IV

Quotes of Choice
None, because I wasn’t that inspired by any of them.

A Girls Guide to James Bond: Dr. No

 

Ladies (and Gentlemen?) let me introduce you the devilishly suave Sean Connery or better known in this context as Bond, James Bond. Set in Jamaica, this movie is filled with overly choreographed fight scenes and awkward phone calls, where you can just tell by the acting that there is no-one on the other side of that phone. The men are sophisticatedly dressed; their hair slicked back and coifed to perfection; and alcohol and cigars are in abundance. Welcome to the world of James Bond.

(For those playing at home, this is James Bond.)

So for a quick summary, I’ll break it down for you. I have to admit, I got lost within the first 20 minutes and started wondering what the hell was going on. Be aware at this point that if you actually want to watch the movie, I’m about to release a whole tone of spoilers. If however, you have no intention of watching the movie and you just want to impress people you know, keep reading.

First of all, there’s three guys at the beginning of the movie, walking along to a calypso version of three blind mice. Turns out they are actually assassins known as the three blind mice. Ingenious really.

So, the three blind mice kill a gentleman and this is where I got lost because as it turns out, he’s actually an agent which is why James Bond (007) is sent out to Jamaica (he has to go investigate…duh!).

Some hilarious fight scenes and talking happens. And then this:

Kudo’s to you Mr Bond because, I don’t know about my readers, but I would not stay that calm in the face of danger.

Another important thing to mention is the car. Everyone needs to know about the car! Unfortunately, the car in Dr. No is stock standard with no modifications or gadgets (if you’ve NEVER seen a James Bond Movie, I’ll let you know now – the gadgets thing becomes a pretty big deal!) For Dr. No, Bond drives a blue Sunbeam Alpine convertible.

And what a beautiful little car she is. Aside from my being a big sci-fi nerd and lover of literature, I have a soft spot for a decent looking automobile and this baby is definitely a stylish little lass.

Speaking of Ladies, lets not forget the Bond Women, because they also play an integral part (more or less). Now, various women appear in the first half of this movie, but the only one you really need to know about is Honey Ryder. What a name.

It’s at this point where I started wondering why everyone introduces themselves with their last names first. “Ryder, Honey Ryder”.

All the while this is happening, there is something more sinister going on. Because who really cares about a dead agent when there’s signals being blocked to American rockets.

And then, it is when Bond, Ryder and Dr. No are finally sitting down to a quaint little meal that we discover that Dr. No is planning on sabotaging the American rocket launch because he’s basically having a sook that everyone rejected him. I’m not kidding, read between the lines folks. Oh and by the way, what is with the giant mutant fish in the background? It’s hilarious just based on the distracting mutant fish.  Queue the capture of Bond and Honey Bee, I mean Ryder.

A whole bunch of boring things happen and Sean Connery James Bond gets free.

So then just as the Americans are trying to do their Rocket launch, Dr. No boots up his evil rocket-radio-signal blocking machine while wearing an outfit that gives bubble boy a run for his money.

Just in the nick of time, Bond steps in – sets off the reactor thus resulting in another fight scene and whole bunch bubble-people running for their lives! Whilst Dr. No is killed by being boiled to death after an altercation with our hero.

(The American Rocket launches without a hitch)

And everyone lives happily ever after.
 
Some more vital information
James Bond – Sean Connery
Honey Ryder – Ursula Andress

Dr. No - Joseph Wiseman

The movie was released in 1962 and it’s budget for filming was $1 million. It made $59.6 Million in the Box office.

Weapon of Choice (source)
Walther PPK 7.65 millimeter with a delivery like a brick through a plate-glass window, it takes a Brausch silencer with very little reduction in muzzle velocity...the American CIA swear by them.

Quotes
James Bond: Good evening, sir.
M: It happens to be 3 a.m.
//
Dr. No: The Americans are fools. I offered my services, they refused. So did the East. Now they can both pay for their mistake.

//
Miss Moneypenny: Flattery will get you nowhere - but don't stop trying.
//

Book Review: Birthmarked

Blurb on the Back: In the future, in a world destroyed by the harsh sun, there are those who live in luxury inside the walled Enclave and those, like sixteen-year-old Gaia Stone, who live outside, struggling to survive. Each month the people outside the wall must deliver a quota of babies to the enclave, to be raised by parents within and brainwashed to forget about the world outside.

 

It’s the way it’s always been, and the way Gaia thinks it should be…until her parents are arrested on suspicion of hiding a code; a code revealing the secrets of the “advanced” babies. Realising she is her parents’ only hope for survival, Gaia ventures inside the wall to rescue them. But she soon discovers that the Enclave is not as perfect as it appears; the gene pool has become too small and genetic irregularities are developing – something the brutal government wants to stop. At any cost. Can Gaia break the code and discover the truth, before it’s too late?

 

My Thoughts: I really need to start reading the blurbs before I buy books. This book was not at all what I was expecting; but in saying that, this book was a fantastic read. I literally didn’t want to stop reading it and I felt compelled to keep read as much as I could for as long as I could until I finished. Fortunately life intervened and I had to put the book down every so often, but generally the story line was so interesting that I didn’t want to stop reading.

 

I confess, I haven’t read The Hunger Games, but I saw the first movie and I feel like this book follows in that tradition. It’s futuristic world where things have gone wrong in history and now life is very different. When I started reading it, I don’t think it was made clear that it was set in the future, so it felt very ancient; a world that was back to basics and where people were living off the land. But when you keep reading, you realise that it is in the future, but things have changed. Obviously there are little things along the way that have survived throughout their history, but everything else has been destroyed.

 

I like the story because it isn’t a completely bizarre concept; the future is unknown, we don’t know what could happen in 5, 10, 20 years from now and a situation like the one in this book is entirely possible.

 

There were a few moments where they were explaining the science stuff (about DNA and Genetics) and I got impatient. I couldn’t help but think “Really?! You want to take time out to discuss this stuff?” but then I remember the lack of education and that sort of thing, so after I finished that part I realised it was important.

 

I really liked this story though. I really liked the futuristic perspective and looking back on one possibility of how the world could go wrong and screw everything up for humanity.

 

Unfortunately! The book is part of a trilogy, so now I really want to get my hands on the next two books! Like I said, it definitely wasn’t what I was expecting just from looking at the front cover, but it made it all the more better. If it ever had the potential to become a movie like The Hunger Games, I feel like Hollywood would screw it up. Without going into too much detail, Gaia has a very distinctive look about her and I feel they would get that wrong – but it all contributes to her, her strength and who she is.

 

I think this is probably one of the best books I’ve reviewed so far just because of how intense the story is and how caught up in it I go.

Book Review: Happily Ever After?

Blurb on the Back: What happens after the happily ever after…?

Eleanor Cooper is a smart, attractive blonde with a successful career and life clearly mapped out in front of her. That doesn’t stop her falling for the ultimate romantic cliché – a fairy tale wedding to her own Prince Charming, Tony.

 

But Ellie’s marriage and new husband prove a lot more complicated than she bargained for.

 

Can Ellie and Tony survive their troubles? Can she forgive if not forget? Or should Ellie leave her prince for the love that is waiting for her? That’s a choice only our heroine can make. And whats (sic) if it’s the wrong one?

 

Funny, moving, sad, sex – Ellie will become part of your life.

Bridget Jones has grown up.

And she is fabulous.

 

My Thoughts: I think the author of this book is a fairly talented writer. I love the way in which the book is written, I like the style and I would look forward to reading more of her books. However I have several issues I need to raise.

 

But let’s begin with the good stuff shall we? The manner in which this book is written makes it a casual read, something you can sit back with and enjoy without thinking too much. You could sit outside under a tree on a sunny day and just enjoy the book. For that reason it’s a good book. I do enjoy the story but I don’t agree with it.

 

I think the story makes excuses for people. It is basically a story filled with infidelity and this book sort of brushes it off as a regular occurrence that people should just sort of accept; and without giving too much away, it also seems to tie everything up neatly in the end which again to me screams the wrong message. I’m well aware that I shouldn’t be searching for a moral in every story but in this case, if there is a moral it is clouded with a negative undertone. It’s like saying “Hey, it’s ok to go outside of your marriage under these circumstances and don’t worry because in the end things may turn out perfectly” and in this book, all the problems get tied up into a neat little package.

 

I’m one of those morally grounded people who believes once you’re married, you’re married; if things start going wrong you do something to fix it and regardless of the problem, you don’t go bed-hoping. That’s my view and I’m sticking to it. So that’s why I clash with this book a little bit. It’s a little bit more cynical but accepting of that cynicism at the same time. “Ok your husbands a tool, well if you go do XYZ and claim that you feel ever so guilty about it, you should land up in a better position”.

 

I do get it, the whole point of the book is to suggest that the fairy tale doesn’t always end up in happily ever after, there are bumps and hiccups along the way. I get that. I understand that girls are far too in love with that Disney fairy tale ending that they close off their minds to the possibility to the idea that things can and will go wrong along the way. That point of the books is clear, but I don’t like the manner in which it is presented.

 

So I guess my only problem in that sense is that the moral side of me doesn’t agree. Which I shouldn’t hold against the book really.

 

But the other problem I have is with the actual editing of the book. I am one of those types of people who is really good and cross-words, find-a-words and sudoku; what is relevant about any of that? It basically means that I am fairly good at finding things that don’t belong or are incorrect. In most books I read, I always find one or two things that are wrong, spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, ‘s’ where they shouldn’t be (see blurb on the back) and so on. This book seems to have quite a few mistakes and it started to get a bit irritating. I would think, with all the money someone invests into writing a book and getting in published, they would at least attempt to edit it properly. I know things slip through the cracks sometimes, but after the 3rd mistake I started to get a bit rattled.

 

Overall though, it is an enjoyable read and if I put my moral compass away for a bit, it was a well written story (minus the mistakes) and I could kick back and relax with it. Hopefully  the author has a few more books up her sleeve because I could see myself reading more of her work.

Book Review: Secrets of the Tudor Court

Blurb on the Back: When young Mary Howard arrives at the grand court of King Henry VIII to attend his mistress, Anne Boleyn, she is overjoyed. Mary is certain Anne will one day become Queen. But Mary has witnessed the King’s fickle nature before and knows how quickly he can turn on those he claims to love…

Despite all of Mary’s efforts to please him, she soon becomes a victim of the Kin’s wrath. Not until she becomes betrothed to Harry Fitzroy, the Duke of Richmond and illegitimate son to the King, does Mary finds (sic) the love and approval she’s been seeking.

But when Mary believes she is finally free, the tides turn. She has uncovered an intricate web of secrets within the palace walls, secrets that she must guard with her life….

 

My thoughts: When it comes to Henry VIII and his 6 wives, I absolutely love listening and reading to what went on. I find the whole history so fascinating and intriguing. Naturally, the politics regarding what was going on is all very interesting, but I’m more intrigued about the women of the era and what they were doing/going through. I can’t help but be drawn to their stories. This book takes it to a whole other level for me because usually I read stories or watch movies that are very heavily based on the perspective of the King or alternatively one of his wives; this books takes the perspective of Mary Douglas who, although very much apart of the dealings, is still ‘outside’ enough to comment on what is going on and happening.

I don’t know my history accurately enough to comment on the accuracy of the book but the basic elements are there. I was reading along and I took note of all the things I know from just reading the history in general. Every time a milestone was written in the book, I would think to myself “oh this is when so and so comes along” or “well, I know what’s going to happen to her!” and I liked that. I liked the familiarity of the story.

I love the perspective; listening to Mary recount the events makes it all the more interesting. I feel sorry for her and what she went through and whether or not it is historically accurate becomes irrelevant. It’s a story based on what happened, it doesn’t claim to be a true historical biography; but nevertheless it places emphasis on the difficulties endured in the era especially for women.

For the most part, I think the book possesses a lot of girly-intrigue. Naturally the intrigue is very old fashioned and being set so long ago, it seems bizarre and difficult to relate with but it allows the reader to get lost in a different world where people were ruled by social and cultural expectations; where people had very strict beliefs and were expected to maintain themselves in a certain manner.

It was a matter of getting lost in history. I don’t mind if it was accurate or not, it’s just interesting getting lost in a world that could have potentially (and more than likely) existed.

 

This book is one of the 3 books I have selected to read for the month of October. I finished this book in roughly 3 days. I have 2 more books to go and then I have to select a 4th book for the final week of October!

So this happened…

I have this habit of dropping my phone, but before I go into that, lets start from the beginning. I went out and bought my iphone 2 years ago, I liked it, I bought cases for it and screen protectors, the whole nine yards because it was an iphone, it was the first iphone I ever had and I want to protect it with my life.


Eventually, however, I got lazy. The screen protector soon started to peel off and the desire to change the phone case once a week soon died out. I even started dropping it.


The first time I dropped my iphone, my heart sank into my stomach and I wanted to cry. But I picked up Mr iphone and he had survived the fall without a scratch. Eventually, dropping my iphone became a habit. Every time he was dropped, he survived like the little trooper he is.


This one time, on my walk back from work, I had a water bottle in my bag which I had accidentally left open and hey, what do you know, iphones don’t like taking baths. After a rough 12 hours, my iphone was back to normal and functioning as expected. After 2 more weeks, the camera started working as well. It was a rough recovery, but we made.


Then yesterday happened. I was in a parking lot and Mr iphone jumped out of my hand. It wasn’t a brutal fall, he just sort of fell. There was no thud noise like normal, there was no bounce like normal, it was just a sort of laying down on the floor without so much as a sound. As I’ve mentioned, I’ve dropped my phone a few times, usually it has landed with an all mighty thud which has left me with heart palpitations, but this time, there wasn’t a noise or even an inkling that something bad would result.


I calm bent down to pick up Mr iphone thinking it would be no big deal. As he was screen down (because apparently that’s how all iphones should land, because they aren’t like cats and automatically fall on the safest part of their body), I pick him up, laughing it off and turn over to see THIS







And you know what’s even more frustrating? Two weeks ago I was using a iphone case that could have potentially stopped this from happening! I guess on the bright side, my phone still works and lets me do everything I please as normal; and as an added bonus, my contract is up for renewal so I can just get the iphone 4s or something (I’m not too impressed with the iphone 5, so I’ll probably stick to the 4s)

Photo Share #1: 1000 Steps

The Boyfriend took me to 1000 steps Kokoda walk which is located on the other side of town near Dandenong. Considering I’m sick and could barely breathe, it was difficult, but I managed!

I’m Back

Hello Blogger-verse, I’m back.

I didn’t really go very far, I just flew out to another state for a few days. It wasn’t all that exciting, but the weather was BRILLIANT and that’s all I care about. The company my boyfriend works held a conference in Surfers Paradise (Queensland, Australia) and I got to tag along for the ride. While my boyfriend was sitting indoors listening to people talk, I got to roam the city.

Actually, for the most part, I was sitting inside a hotel room reading papers because I have an essay due next week and I have barely scratched the surface in terms of research. But during some of my down time, I went exploring and fell in love with the weather and self-serve frozen yoghurt.

I had frozen yoghurt on more than one occasion because I loved it so much. My first combination was Mango, Wild Strawberry and Lychee frozen yoghurt with nuts and muesli mixed in. My Second round was Wild Strawberry, Lychee and Pomegranate frozen yoghurt with a whole lot of muesli thrown in. I was tempted to try the peanut butter frozen yoghurt, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Any who, here are some photos for your entertainment pleasure.

I had clearly just gotten off the plane!

  

Now entering Surfers Paradise

I know you can’t see it very well, but there is a sunbaking lizard in this photo.


Round One

Round Two

Pretty Day.